the desert and other exciting things.

i have now been through the south of the united states, which didnt end up being as exciting as i had envisioned. there werent crazy people running after us telling us not to have abortions or shit like that on every corner. although the popular belief down here is that we are ALL sinners and that we're ALL going to hell. then the priest dude who gave us the pamphlet drove into the curb and got stuck. i guess everything evens out in the end.

birmingham was cool. there were these crazy little black kids running around since the place we played was right next to the projects. we asked where their parents were and the people doing the show told us that they run around like that all the time. one of them came into our van and asked us if we had any ipods. i wonder why. he also was doing backflips off the stage while one of the bands played. right after us, there was a jawbreaker cover band and they were awesome.

nashville was the dumbest show ive ever played. i never thought i would see actual skinheads at a show of that nature but i did. one of them kept running up and smacking this black kid in the back of the head. he also had a confederate flag tattoo over his heart. it made me sick. there was also some wicked clowns at the show, and if you dont know what that is, find out. we then stayed at "crazy e's" house, who was a crazy little man who drove a volkswagen beetle. his cat also was in there with him and was appropriately called mr.fuzzy. we asked him why he was called crazy e and he told us that when we didnt have a job, he would call into the local radio station durnig the traffic reports but instead of vehicle traffic, he would talk about drug traffic. basically he would tell everyone what types of drugs were in town at the time, which ones were good, bad and cheap. he also had a skullet and a second bug that had eagels painted on it and shit.

tupelo mississippi was really fun. we played in a skateshop. the dude who ran it was nineteen years old and was telling us the reasons why he carries a handgun on him. the second amendment. his reasoning was pretty bogus. we also ventured to holly springs mississippi to go see graceland too, which is some crazy dude, paul mcleod, who has dedicated his life to gathering up as much elvis junk as he can. he had all these crazy stories about cash, which is his favourite thing. he also did a dance and said "did you hear that? thats my dick slapping against my leg! im hung like a horse! im a bad cat!!!" he destroyed a 24 of coca cola everyday and apparently that made him horny, which was another reason his wife left him, other than being a crazy elvis fan. definitely worth the 5 bucks.

the drive to oklahoma city was the longest ever but was totally worth it. the show was really cool and we met a bunch of awesome people. the gas there was really cheap. and that was it.

we finally made it to texas and everything really is bigger down there. we played in fort worth and the show was insane. everybody was partying, the cops drove by, we stopped playing for five minutes and then started up again. i met the dallas/fort worth version of knightbus, who actually managed to be the more annoying version than him. hes 19 and hes a virgin, so knightbus was already one up on him. alyssa even "fought" him. he also wouldnt shut up about he has a "tenga" which is this new pocket pussy thing. knightbus, if you are reading this, you are definitely cooler than him. then it got really fucking cold (its fucking texas, it shouldnt of gotten cold) and i had the chilliest sleep ever.

the next night was austin. we played at this place that had a show going on inside and one going on outside in an awning over it. we played outside. it felt like playing in a level in guitar hero, minus the fans waving their hands back and forth. we played with a band called the flood, pretty much the weirdest dudes ever. their band was like a high school band, they had the worst banter between songs and their songs were slow and boring. at least they made nice posters.

in las cruces we played at a bar that was across the street from the courthouse where billy the kid was sentenced to hang. the var that we played in was where billy the kid's lawyer and son were shot to death. basically it was the place where shit went down in the wild west.

albuquerque was definitely interesting. we played the worst show ever to 5 people but it didnt really matter because we got added on last minute.

the desert is cool. we saw a forest fire. we saw a donkey.

the country city.

im currently in nashville waiting to play a really shitty show with see you next tuesday and i wrestled a bear once. i will let you figure out what kind of bands these are based on the greats names they have given themselves. anyways, at least birmingham had a statue that turned into a pentagram and for some reason it was in front of a church. 

gainesville.

is one of the greatest places, if not THE greatest place in the united states. i cant wait to go back there one day.

the beach.

is where i have been for the past two days. the water is warm like a bath, i am getting a great tan.

im coming home with so many new records.

let the good times roll.

swam in the ocean, awesome waves. hot dog picnic on the beach.

got retarded after the show with some really cool people. another party is planned for tonight.

this country is still fucked, but georgie's house still looks good. baltimore was fucked, what a shithole, at least we got free pizza.

richmond is nice. we got free sushi. ya thats right stef, I ATE SUSHI.

trains.

last night we played in cincinnati and four people got shot in the city. also, there was a huge trainyard behind the loft space and the braking trains sounded like screaming kids.